A little less conversation, A little more action..

Over dinner last night my wise friend let me have it. Basically in a gentle way she slapped me across the face. I need that from time to time, heck, don’t we all? Someone to listen to us spill out our life frustrations and woes. Pause to take a breath and then shoot us strait. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the details of our troubles that we miss the big picture I think. 
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The thing about Erika is she doesn’t sugar coat it. We both know I can take it. I do better with directness. If we’re not challenging each other and pushing ourselves to grow, what’s the point? The trick is being open to hearing a new perspective and then being active in exploring that. Not saying it’s easy, but just that it’s important. 
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For me I’ve been hiding insecurities in the day to day musings. By not addressing that they’re lurking back behind the shadows i’ve created a pattern. An internal rollercoaster that keeps my heart and mind on an unpredictable ride. Heights & depths. And i’ve placed blame and made excuses. But it’s time to face the fact that it’s me who keeps pushing these buttons. It’s about accepting that I can do it better. That I’m stronger than I realize. And that it’s okay to not be as strong as I think I “should” be. It’s just crucial to be honest. (how’s that for a pep talk? Haha) 
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Honestly, I wish I wasn’t so afraid. I wish I didn’t fear the worst outcomes from stepping out off the path I’ve walked time after time. It’s scary. It’s uneasy. But… It can be done. And it’s worth it… Eventually. Plus those other times i did these walks doing it the way i always have didn’t work out so well.  Haha.  Change sounds good.    
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Anyways, that’s what’s going on. Im just rambling my curent thoughts… its early, i’m on the east coast, so i’m chatty, reflective, & alone. Oh, and I’m boarding a plane to Nyc as I type!!
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Whoo hooo!!
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